"Never trust a man, who when left alone with a tea cosey... Doesn't try it on."
-Billy Connolly
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"My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.“
-Billy Connolly
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"Heckling is an act of cowardice. If you want to speak, get up in front of the microphone and speak, don't sit in the dark hiding. It's easy to hide and shout and waste people's time."
-Billy Connolly
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"My parents used to take me to the pet department and tell me it was a zoo."
-Billy Connolly
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"Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit."
-Billy Connolly
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"I think my securities far outweigh my insecurities. I am not nearly as afraid of myself and my imagination as I used to be."
-Billy Connolly
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"I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives."
-Billy Connolly
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Same Category
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"The last person they expected to connect with a screenplay was the comedic, blonde actress with the funny voice."
-Joey Lauren Adams
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"But I think funny and talent will always win out I mean, of course there are hurdles, but I think if you're funny you will get over all of that."
-Wanda Sykes
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"It is funny because the guy who is my boss now, Howard Stern, has a similarity there. He got big being a regular guy. He wasn't the greatest looking guy in the world."
-Artie Lange
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"I have a funny family, but none of them are remotely in show business."
-Wanda Sykes
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"When we criticize in Iran the actions of the government, the fundamentalists say that we and the Bush Administration are in the same camp. The funny thing is that human rights activists and Mr. Bush can never be situated in the same group."
-Shirin Ebadi
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"So it was just funny to read a script that was just similar to what had been going on in my life."
-Piper Perabo
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