"I wanted to take up music, so my father bought me a blunt instrument. He told me to knock myself out."
-Jay London
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"I recorded my hair this morning, tonight I'm watching the highlights."
-Jay London
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"I went to the doctor and he said I had acute appendicitis, and I said compared to who?"
-Jay London
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"I went to the store and bought lady fingers, when I got home I noticed one of the fingers was missing so I went back to the store and the manager was nice enough to give me the finger."
-Jay London
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"It all started when my dog began getting free roll over minutes."
-Jay London
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"My father would take me to the playground, and put me on mood swings."
-Jay London
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"The last person they expected to connect with a screenplay was the comedic, blonde actress with the funny voice."
-Joey Lauren Adams
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"But I think funny and talent will always win out I mean, of course there are hurdles, but I think if you're funny you will get over all of that."
-Wanda Sykes
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"It is funny because the guy who is my boss now, Howard Stern, has a similarity there. He got big being a regular guy. He wasn't the greatest looking guy in the world."
-Artie Lange
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"I have a funny family, but none of them are remotely in show business."
-Wanda Sykes
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"When we criticize in Iran the actions of the government, the fundamentalists say that we and the Bush Administration are in the same camp. The funny thing is that human rights activists and Mr. Bush can never be situated in the same group."
-Shirin Ebadi
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"So it was just funny to read a script that was just similar to what had been going on in my life."
-Piper Perabo
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