"I'm thankful for Sarah Palin's vice presidential bid, which taught us that Alaska is not in a box off the coast of California."
-Paula Poundstone
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"I'm thankful for the three ounce Ziploc bag, so that I have somewhere to put my savings.“
-Paula Poundstone
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"I'm thankful that my memory is good because my vision is going."
-Paula Poundstone
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"I'm thankful for the three ounce Ziploc bag, so that I have somewhere to put my savings."
-Paula Poundstone
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"I don't need a holiday or a feast to feel grateful for my children, the sun, the moon, the roof over my head, music, and laughter, but I like to take this time to take the path of thanks less traveled."
-Paula Poundstone
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"My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, 'Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim.'"
-Paula Poundstone
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"I used to watch 'The Waltons' and sob because my family was nothing like that. We had a cruel sense of humor in my family."
-Paula Poundstone
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"The last person they expected to connect with a screenplay was the comedic, blonde actress with the funny voice."
-Joey Lauren Adams
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"But I think funny and talent will always win out I mean, of course there are hurdles, but I think if you're funny you will get over all of that."
-Wanda Sykes
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"It is funny because the guy who is my boss now, Howard Stern, has a similarity there. He got big being a regular guy. He wasn't the greatest looking guy in the world."
-Artie Lange
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"I have a funny family, but none of them are remotely in show business."
-Wanda Sykes
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"When we criticize in Iran the actions of the government, the fundamentalists say that we and the Bush Administration are in the same camp. The funny thing is that human rights activists and Mr. Bush can never be situated in the same group."
-Shirin Ebadi
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"So it was just funny to read a script that was just similar to what had been going on in my life."
-Piper Perabo
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