"Sports is the only entertainment where, no matter how many times you go back, you never know the ending."
-Neil Simon
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"You must realize that honorary degrees are given generally to people whose SAT scores were too low to get them into schools the regular way. As a matter of fact, it was my SAT scores that led me into my present vocation in life, comedy.“
-Neil Simon
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"Sudden money is going from zero to two hundred dollars a week. The rest doesn't count."
-Neil Simon
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"Take care of him. And make him feel important. And if you can do that, you'll have a happy and wonderful marriage. Like two out of every ten couples."
-Neil Simon
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"Money brings some happiness. But after a certain point, it just brings more money."
-Neil Simon
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"How sweet it is!"
-Jackie Gleason
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"We don't believe in rheumatism and true love until after the first attack."
-Marie von Ebner-Eschenbach
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Same Category
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"If you're picking your best friend based on what kind of clothes she wears or how popular she is, chances are you aren't going to stay in touch after graduation."
-Renee Olstead
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"All my graduation money went to paying for bartending classes so I could have a side gig. I bartended for two months before I was supposed to move to New York and then two months later I got the job as an understudy in 'Sister Act' and haven't looked back since."
-Patina Miller
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"A month before graduation I got an off-Broadway job. Then I did some commercials, including one for MCI. You can only see half of me, but it paid well. Thank God for commercials."
-Lee Pace
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"I woke up on May 15, 1991, the day of my Barnard graduation, and I said to myself, 'By the end of today you will decide what you want to do with the rest of your life.'"
-Alexandra Guarnaschelli
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"At the end of four years' time, at graduation, we were down to 12. At our reunion that we had several years ago, only 1 out of the 52 actually made it to ordination and priesthood. So there you go, there's your numbers."
-Peter Jurasik
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"One of the most difficult speeches to prepare is an address to a graduation class, which is why I don't often do them."
-Jerry Moran
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