"If you are young and you drink a great deal it will spoil your health, slow your mind, make you fat - in other words, turn you into an adult."
-P. J. O'Rourke
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"Little islands of human happiness, peace, and prosperity are so exceptional at this point in history that I'm not even sure we can draw lessons from them.“
-P. J. O'Rourke
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"The Democrats are the party that says government will make you smarter, taller, richer, and remove the crabgrass on your lawn. The Republicans are the party that says government doesn't work and then they get elected and prove it."
-P. J. O'Rourke
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"There's a certain kind of behavior in the Arab world that, to me, resembles the way young men behave when there is no significant influence from women in their lives."
-P. J. O'Rourke
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"There is one thing women can never take away from men. We die sooner."
-P. J. O'Rourke
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"After all, what is your host's purpose in having a party? Surely not for you to enjoy yourself if that were their sole purpose, they'd have simply sent champagne and women over to your place by taxi."
-P. J. O'Rourke
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"There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible."
-P. J. O'Rourke
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"On a soap, happiness never lasts for very long!"
-Chandler Massey
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"In Hollywood, if you don't have happiness, you send out for it."
-Rex Reed
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"What is the worth of anything, But for the happiness 'twill bring?"
-Richard Owen Cambridge
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"There is only one real happiness in life, and that is the happiness of creating."
-Frederick Delius
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"The unproductive tillage of human cattle takes that which of right belongs to free labor, and which is necessary for the support and happiness of our own race."
-David Wilmot
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"Purring would seem to be, in her case, an automatic safety valve device for dealing with happiness overflow."
-Monica Edwards
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