"I never worry about being driven to drink I just worry about being driven home."
-W. C. Fields
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"Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.“
-W. C. Fields
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"All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women."
-W. C. Fields
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"Women are like elephants. I like to look at 'em, but I wouldn't want to own one."
-W. C. Fields
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"No doubt exists that all women are crazy it's only a question of degree."
-W. C. Fields
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"You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it."
-W. C. Fields
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"Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water."
-W. C. Fields
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"The highest use of capital is not to make more money, but to make money do more for the betterment of life."
-Henry Ford
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"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life."
-Brooke Shields
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"There is only one success - to be able to spend your life in your own way."
-Christopher Morley
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"What we call the secret of happiness is no more a secret than our willingness to choose life."
-Leo Buscaglia
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"Early in life I had to choose between honest arrogance and hypocritical humility. I chose the former and have seen no reason to change."
-Frank Lloyd Wright
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"Take a chance! All life is a chance. The man who goes farthest is generally the one who is willing to do and dare."
-Dale Carnegie
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