"I never worry about being driven to drink I just worry about being driven home."
-W. C. Fields
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"All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women."
-W. C. Fields
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"Women are like elephants. I like to look at 'em, but I wouldn't want to own one."
-W. C. Fields
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"No doubt exists that all women are crazy it's only a question of degree."
-W. C. Fields
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"You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it."
-W. C. Fields
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"Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water."
-W. C. Fields
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"In junior high school, I was an object of pure ridicule for my dress, withdrawal, and asocial manner. Dozens of times, I saw individuals laugh and smile more in ten to fifteen minutes than I did in all my life up to then."
-Arthur Bremer
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"My friends and family, especially my mom and dad, are always saying I should smile more."
-Dillon Casey
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"Beautiful isle of the sea, Smile on the brow of the waters."
-George Cooper
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"When Fortune smiles, I smile to think how quickly she will frown."
-Robert Southwell
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"We ought to be beating our chests every day. We ought to look in the mirror, stick out our chests, suck in our bellies, and say, 'Damn, we're Americans,' and smile."
-Jay Garner
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"Ascetics and fakirs come to mitigate human suffering to heal us and lead us on the path. They put up with criticism they go through many worldly trials. Some of them have even become martyrs for our sake. But they have done all this with a smile and with gratitude to God. Hence sacrifice is a great virtue."
-Sadhu Vaswani
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