"There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child."
-Erma Bombeck
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"Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.“
-Erma Bombeck
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"Being a child at home alone in the summer is a high-risk occupation. If you call your mother at work thirteen times an hour, she can hurt you."
-Erma Bombeck
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"Most women put off entertaining until the kids are grown."
-Erma Bombeck
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"Once you get a spice in your home, you have it forever. Women never throw out spices. The Egyptians were buried with their spices. I know which one I'm taking with me when I go."
-Erma Bombeck
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"I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars."
-Erma Bombeck
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"I haven't trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I've never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex."
-Erma Bombeck
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Same Category
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"I have nothing against turkey. We eat turkey for Thanksgiving in my house."
-Marc Forgione
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"In our family, mom and dad are Longhorns, our first two kids are Aggies and we're hoping our last one is a Longhorn. It gives us family fun on Thanksgiving Day."
-Bob Wells
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"The act is unjustifiable that either begs for a blessing, or, having succeeded gives no thanksgiving."
-Merle Shain
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"I think I'm going to give my baby her first food on Thanksgiving, make her some organic sweet potato. I'm very excited! It's going to be a big day and my husband is in charge of the turkey - he's the chef of the family!"
-Lily Aldridge
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"Something I didn't even know was on my bucket list has been achieved. I have cooked Thanksgiving dinner with Martha Stewart. I vow to follow the gospel of her teachings and do my very best in the remarkably less glamorous kitchen of my own home... without the luxury of magically appearing prep bowls filled by a staff of sous chefs."
-Jesse Tyler Ferguson
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"Thanksgiving is nothing but a toast to genocide."
-Stephen Evans
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