"I never worry about being driven to drink I just worry about being driven home."
-W. C. Fields
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"Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a case of Scotch.“
-W. C. Fields
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"All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women."
-W. C. Fields
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"Women are like elephants. I like to look at 'em, but I wouldn't want to own one."
-W. C. Fields
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"No doubt exists that all women are crazy it's only a question of degree."
-W. C. Fields
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"You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it."
-W. C. Fields
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"Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water."
-W. C. Fields
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"What I love best in life is new starts."
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"Recruitment and retention are critical to sustain our Armed Forces with the best men and women willing to stand in the gap and make huge sacrifices to ensure our freedom."
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"One of the best things for a woman to hear is that she is sexy."
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"I'm either going to go completely mental, completely bankrupt, or have the best success of my life."
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