"So I got home, and the phone was ringing. I picked it up, and said 'Who's speaking please?' And a voice said 'You are.'"
-Tim Vine
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"I was reading a book... 'the history of glue' - I couldn't put it down."
-Tim Vine
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"People ask 'do you make a conscious effort not to swear?' - if you're doing silly stuff you're not tempted to put swearing in. All the comics from my childhood, who were funny without swearing, were the people that influenced me. What I do is quite traditional anyway."
-Tim Vine
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"One of the things I like about when I tour sometimes is that occasionally you'll see a dad there with his 12-year-old son and they're both enjoying it."
-Tim Vine
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"Apparently, one in five people in the world are Chinese. And there are five people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother, Colin. Or my younger brother, Ho-Chan-Chu. But I think it's Colin."
-Tim Vine
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"So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me 'Can you give me a lift?' I said 'Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.''"
-Tim Vine
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"While Free Choice Vouchers didn't fulfill my vision of a health care system in which every American would be empowered to hire and fire their insurance company, they were a foothold for choice and competition and a safety valve for Americans whose employers are already forcing them to bear more and more of their family's health insurance costs."
-Ron Wyden
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"The importance of human life should be universally respected - and that refers to children before they are born and after. All children have the right to be brought up in a loving two-parent family where the notion of divorce is not even possible."
-Christopher Monckton
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"More than any other setting - more than battlefields or boardrooms or a spaceship headed for intergalactic travel - I'll put my money on the family to provide an endless source of comedy, tragedy and intrigue."
-Joyce Maynard
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"But I am Armenian and I understand what it is to lose a country and lose a family and have massacres and genocides and everything against my people."
-Andrea Martin
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"I've always known I wanted a family."
-Charlize Theron
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"And whereas women had to fight to find their way into the workforce, men are now fighting to reclaim their place in the family structure."
-Bob Geldof
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