"That's the true spirit of Christmas people being helped by people other than me."
-Jerry Seinfeld
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"Men want to make women happy."
-Jerry Seinfeld
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"There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men don't think there's a lot they don't know. Women do. Women want to learn. Men think, 'I know what I'm doing, just show me somebody naked.'"
-Jerry Seinfeld
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"The truth is, I had always wanted to be a comedian, but I really didn't have that kind of personality, and it's a terrifying thing to say."
-Jerry Seinfeld
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"Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV."
-Jerry Seinfeld
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"Marriage is like a game of chess except the board is flowing water, the pieces are made of smoke and no move you make will have any effect on the outcome."
-Jerry Seinfeld
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"To me I'm just a regular person going to the mall with friends, and now I'm in Forever 21 and I see this random group of girls staring at me and taking pictures. But now I usually have my dad, who is a really tall and intimidating person with me, so he's kind of my bodyguard."
-Rebecca Black
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"My sensei was a British karate champion named Brian Fitkin. He was my mentor and because I had a hard relationship with my dad, he became a father figure to me."
-Dolph Lundgren
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"Everyone gets surprised because neither one of my parents play golf. Like I said in my speech, my aunt and uncle really love golf, and we visited them, and she gave me two clubs. Like people think when they don't know who my dad is, they think he's my coach."
-Lydia Ko
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"I have mostly been terrified of listening to scary stories around a campfire. We camp a lot as a family, and at night my dad would try and tell us scary stories. This made eating s'mores difficult. The story would start with something like... 'and the old man who lived in these woods...' I would then run back into the camper terrified."
-Willow Shields
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"You know that family is going to be there for you no matter what. My dad gave me a freakin' kidney!"
-Sarah Hyland
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"I lost my mother, who suffered from Alzheimer's disease, and we had to relocate my dad after 58 years in the family home. That was tough."
-Doug Davidson
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