Jerry Seinfeld

Explore inspiring quotes by Jerry Seinfeld, a remarkable figure whose words continue to inspire and motivate people around the world.

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funny

5 quotes

women

2 quotes

amazing

1 quotes

anger

1 quotes

birthday

1 quotes

business

1 quotes

car

1 quotes

dad

1 quotes

Featured Quotes by Jerry Seinfeld

Some of the most memorable quotes from this author

"It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper."

— Jerry Seinfeldamazing

"Well, all comedy starts with anger. You get angry, and its never for a good reason, right? You know its not a good reason. And then you try and work it from there."

— Jerry Seinfeldanger

"You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, 'See if you can blow this out.'"

— Jerry Seinfeldbirthday

"When I jumped off a roof in Cannes in a bee costume, I looked ridiculous. But this is my business I have to humiliate myself."

— Jerry Seinfeldbusiness

"The first real thought that I had of something that I might do was to write for car magazines, because I always had a car thing."

— Jerry Seinfeldcar

"I love being a dad. I just love it."

— Jerry Seinfelddad

All Quotes by Jerry Seinfeld

Browse all quotes from this author

"It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper."

-Jerry Seinfeld

amazingView Quote

"Well, all comedy starts with anger. You get angry, and its never for a good reason, right? You know its not a good reason. And then you try and work it from there."

-Jerry Seinfeld

angerView Quote

"You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, 'See if you can blow this out.'"

-Jerry Seinfeld

birthdayView Quote

"When I jumped off a roof in Cannes in a bee costume, I looked ridiculous. But this is my business I have to humiliate myself."

-Jerry Seinfeld

businessView Quote

"The first real thought that I had of something that I might do was to write for car magazines, because I always had a car thing."

-Jerry Seinfeld

carView Quote

"I love being a dad. I just love it."

-Jerry Seinfeld

dadView Quote

"Once you start doing only what you've already proven you can do, you're on the road to death."

-Jerry Seinfeld

deathView Quote

"There is no such thing as fun for the whole family."

-Jerry Seinfeld

familyView Quote

"A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it."

-Jerry Seinfeld

funnyView Quote

"It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper."

-Jerry Seinfeld

funnyView Quote

"Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV."

-Jerry Seinfeld

funnyView Quote

"The IRS! They're like the Mafia, they can take anything they want!"

-Jerry Seinfeld

funnyView Quote

"I think it's funny to be delicate with subjects that are explosive."

-Jerry Seinfeld

funnyView Quote

"Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God's final word on where your lips end."

-Jerry Seinfeld

godView Quote

"To me, if life boils down to one thing, it's movement. To live is to keep moving."

-Jerry Seinfeld

lifeView Quote

"Marriage is like a game of chess except the board is flowing water, the pieces are made of smoke and no move you make will have any effect on the outcome."

-Jerry Seinfeld

marriageView Quote

"Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV."

-Jerry Seinfeld

menView Quote

"The truth is, I had always wanted to be a comedian, but I really didn't have that kind of personality, and it's a terrifying thing to say."

-Jerry Seinfeld

truthView Quote

"There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men don't think there's a lot they don't know. Women do. Women want to learn. Men think, 'I know what I'm doing, just show me somebody naked.'"

-Jerry Seinfeld

womenView Quote

"Men want to make women happy."

-Jerry Seinfeld

womenView Quote

"That's the true spirit of Christmas people being helped by people other than me."

-Jerry Seinfeld

christmasView Quote

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Jerry Seinfeld

Top Categories by Jerry Seinfeld

funny

women

amazing

anger

birthday

business

car

dad

Featured Quotes by Jerry Seinfeld

All Quotes by Jerry Seinfeld

"It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper."

"Well, all comedy starts with anger. You get angry, and its never for a good reason, right? You know its not a good reason. And then you try and work it from there."

"You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, 'See if you can blow this out.'"

"When I jumped off a roof in Cannes in a bee costume, I looked ridiculous. But this is my business I have to humiliate myself."

"The first real thought that I had of something that I might do was to write for car magazines, because I always had a car thing."

"I love being a dad. I just love it."

"Once you start doing only what you've already proven you can do, you're on the road to death."

"There is no such thing as fun for the whole family."

"A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it."

"It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper."

"Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV."

"The IRS! They're like the Mafia, they can take anything they want!"

"I think it's funny to be delicate with subjects that are explosive."

"Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God's final word on where your lips end."

"To me, if life boils down to one thing, it's movement. To live is to keep moving."

"Marriage is like a game of chess except the board is flowing water, the pieces are made of smoke and no move you make will have any effect on the outcome."

"Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV."

"The truth is, I had always wanted to be a comedian, but I really didn't have that kind of personality, and it's a terrifying thing to say."

"There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men don't think there's a lot they don't know. Women do. Women want to learn. Men think, 'I know what I'm doing, just show me somebody naked.'"

"Men want to make women happy."

"That's the true spirit of Christmas people being helped by people other than me."

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