funny

"A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man."

"I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party."

"A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice."

"Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes."

"Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive."

"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day."