"Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence."
-Erma Bombeck
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"There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child."
-Erma Bombeck
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"Being a child at home alone in the summer is a high-risk occupation. If you call your mother at work thirteen times an hour, she can hurt you."
-Erma Bombeck
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"Most women put off entertaining until the kids are grown."
-Erma Bombeck
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"Once you get a spice in your home, you have it forever. Women never throw out spices. The Egyptians were buried with their spices. I know which one I'm taking with me when I go."
-Erma Bombeck
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"I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars."
-Erma Bombeck
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"If cooking becomes an art form rather than a means of providing a reasonable diet, then something is clearly wrong."
-Tom Jaine
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"My soul is dark with stormy riot: directly traced over to diet."
-Samuel Hoffenstein
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"This cream will help one's nature strengthen and grow, The diet gives support in my decline."
-Du Fu
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"The 17 Day Diet' keeps your body and metabolism guessing. I call this 'body confusion.'"
-Mike Moreno
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"Hope is a very thin diet."
-Thomas Shadwell
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"I dream about 'Cheers.' Like when you go on a diet and you dream of pizza. I always think of those wonderful years. I loved working on it."
-George Wendt
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