"I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender."
-Rodney Dangerfield
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"A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home.“
-Rodney Dangerfield
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"Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask. Each time an actor acts he does not hide he exposes himself."
-Rodney Dangerfield
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"I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof."
-Rodney Dangerfield
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"I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it."
-Rodney Dangerfield
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"I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out."
-Rodney Dangerfield
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"With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me."
-Rodney Dangerfield
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"Imagine if you had baseball cards that showed all the performance stats for your people: batting averages, home runs, errors, ERAs, win/loss records. You could see what they did well and poorly and call on the right people to play the right positions in a very transparent way."
-Ray Dalio
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"I think it's easiest to teach by example. My dad didn't tell us to work hard we just saw how hard he worked. I know I have shortcomings - like a short fuse - but I've learned you can't come home from a long day of work and snap at the kids."
-Chris O'Donnell
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"My father was always depressed. When he was home and sober, he was mostly in his room."
-Sherman Alexie
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"To the former child migrants, who came to Australia from a home far away, led to believe this land would be a new beginning, when only to find it was not a beginning, but an end, an end of innocence - we apologise and we are sorry. To the mothers who lost the maternal right to love and care for their child - we apologise, and we are sorry."
-Malcolm Turnbull
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"At home I've got a very puerile, juvenile sense of humour."
-Thom Yorke
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"We talk a lot in our home together about where we're going, what I'm doing."
-Melinda Gates
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