Rodney Dangerfield

Explore inspiring quotes by Rodney Dangerfield, a remarkable figure whose words continue to inspire and motivate people around the world.

Total Quotes

Top Categories by Rodney Dangerfield

Discover the themes and topics this author explores most

pet

3 quotes

time

3 quotes

funny

3 quotes

marriage

3 quotes

respect

2 quotes

family

2 quotes

morning

2 quotes

home

2 quotes

Featured Quotes by Rodney Dangerfield

Some of the most memorable quotes from this author

"I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table."

— Rodney Dangerfieldage

"With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me."

— Rodney Dangerfieldbest

"With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me."

— Rodney Dangerfieldbirthday

"My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive."

— Rodney Dangerfieldcar

"I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it."

— Rodney Dangerfieldfamily

"I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap."

— Rodney Dangerfieldfamily

All Quotes by Rodney Dangerfield

Browse all quotes from this author

"I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table."

-Rodney Dangerfield

ageView Quote

"With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me."

-Rodney Dangerfield

bestView Quote

"With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me."

-Rodney Dangerfield

birthdayView Quote

"My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive."

-Rodney Dangerfield

carView Quote

"I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it."

-Rodney Dangerfield

familyView Quote

"I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap."

-Rodney Dangerfield

familyView Quote

"I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table."

-Rodney Dangerfield

foodView Quote

"I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people."

-Rodney Dangerfield

funnyView Quote

"I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her."

-Rodney Dangerfield

funnyView Quote

"I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap."

-Rodney Dangerfield

funnyView Quote

"Yeah, I know I'm ugly... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.'"

-Rodney Dangerfield

godView Quote

"I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me."

-Rodney Dangerfield

goodView Quote

"A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home."

-Rodney Dangerfield

homeView Quote

"My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home."

-Rodney Dangerfield

homeView Quote

"At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he know he can't."

-Rodney Dangerfield

hopeView Quote

"My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was."

-Rodney Dangerfield

jealousyView Quote

"I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table."

-Rodney Dangerfield

lifeView Quote

"It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass."

-Rodney Dangerfield

marriageView Quote

"We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together."

-Rodney Dangerfield

marriageView Quote

"My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend."

-Rodney Dangerfield

marriageView Quote

"When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother."

-Rodney Dangerfield

medicalView Quote

"Men who do things without being told draw the most wages."

-Rodney Dangerfield

menView Quote

"This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me."

-Rodney Dangerfield

morningView Quote

"My mother had morning sickness after I was born."

-Rodney Dangerfield

morningView Quote

"I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it."

-Rodney Dangerfield

petView Quote

"What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm."

-Rodney Dangerfield

petView Quote

"I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get."

-Rodney Dangerfield

petView Quote

"I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest."

-Rodney Dangerfield

respectView Quote

"With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me."

-Rodney Dangerfield

respectView Quote

"I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out."

-Rodney Dangerfield

sportsView Quote

"I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it."

-Rodney Dangerfield

timeView Quote

"I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof."

-Rodney Dangerfield

timeView Quote

"Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask. Each time an actor acts he does not hide he exposes himself."

-Rodney Dangerfield

timeView Quote

"I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender."

-Rodney Dangerfield

truthView Quote

Other Authors to Explore

Explore more inspiring authors

View All Authors

Rodney Dangerfield

Top Categories by Rodney Dangerfield

pet

time

funny

marriage

respect

family

morning

home

Featured Quotes by Rodney Dangerfield

All Quotes by Rodney Dangerfield

"I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table."

"With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me."

"With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me."

"My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive."

"I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it."

"I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap."

"I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table."

"I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people."

"I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her."

"I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap."

"Yeah, I know I'm ugly... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.'"

"I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me."

"A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home."

"My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home."

"At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he know he can't."

"My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was."

"I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table."

"It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass."

"We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together."

"My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend."

"When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother."

"Men who do things without being told draw the most wages."

"This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me."

"My mother had morning sickness after I was born."

"I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it."

"What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm."

"I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get."

"I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest."

"With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me."

"I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out."

"I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it."

"I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof."

"Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask. Each time an actor acts he does not hide he exposes himself."

"I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender."

Related Authors

Henry David Thoreau

Mitt Romney

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Friedrich Nietzsche

Mahatma Gandhi

George Bernard Shaw

Albert Einstein

Thomas Jefferson

Jerry Saltz

Plato

Aristotle

Barack Obama

Oscar Wilde

Benjamin Franklin

John F. Kennedy

Francois de La Rochefoucauld

Mark Twain

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Voltaire

Bertrand Russell

Other Authors to Explore

Michael Eisner

Michael Caine

Herbert Marcuse

John Ratzenberger

Stevie Smith

Natalie Merchant

Jimmy Carter

Pierre Bayle

Vanilla Ice

Bainbridge Colby

Marlon Wayans

Andrew Johnson