"Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence."
-Erma Bombeck
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"There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child."
-Erma Bombeck
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"Being a child at home alone in the summer is a high-risk occupation. If you call your mother at work thirteen times an hour, she can hurt you."
-Erma Bombeck
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"Most women put off entertaining until the kids are grown."
-Erma Bombeck
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"Once you get a spice in your home, you have it forever. Women never throw out spices. The Egyptians were buried with their spices. I know which one I'm taking with me when I go."
-Erma Bombeck
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"I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars."
-Erma Bombeck
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"I'm hosting weekend retreats all over America. It is like a 24-hour slumber party for moms. We laugh, eat, play games, get massages, win prizes, talk about parenting and even cry a bit."
-Lisa Whelchel
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"In response to our fast-food culture, a 'slow food' movement appeared. Out of hurried parenthood, a move toward slow parenting could be growing. With vital government supports for state-of-the-art public child care and paid parental leave, maybe we would be ready to try slow love and marriage."
-Arlie Russell Hochschild
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"For me, Twitter works best as a way of taking pictures of being stuck in traffic on the Brooklyn Bridge. If people really want to read really funny quips about life, parenting, and pop culture, then by all means read Michael Ian Black's tweets."
-Michael Showalter
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"I'm a parent, especially when you've had the intense parenting the way I had. It's all in the bank. It's all in the great experience bank. Those are your secrets. That's the stuff that makes your work rich, that's what you dip into."
-Hector Elizondo
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"Parents are key when it comes to keeping kids off drugs. Good parenting is the best anti-drug we have."
-Mel Carnahan
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"My kids love it. I thought I was the coolest dad in the world when I got to be in a Bond film, but 'Harry Potter', too? Well, I think I qualify for a medal for exceptional parenting or something, don't you?"
-Robbie Coltraine
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