"I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place."
-Steven Wright
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"I saw a bank that said '24 Hour Banking,' but I don't have that much time."
-Steven Wright
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"I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to it."
-Steven Wright
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"I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time."
-Steven Wright
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"I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance."
-Steven Wright
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"Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time."
-Steven Wright
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"To be a Negro in this country and to be relatively conscious is to be in a rage almost all the time."
-James A. Baldwin
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"No country can act wisely simultaneously in every part of the globe at every moment of time."
-Henry A. Kissinger
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"It's time to get real, folks. Hope and change ain't working. Hope and change is not a solution. Hope and change is not a job."
-Herman Cain
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"It's plain hokum. If you can't convince 'em, confuse 'em. It's an old political trick. But this time it won't work."
-Harry S. Truman
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"Nixon is one of the few in the history of this country to run for high office talking out of both sides of his mouth at the same time and lying out of both sides."
-Harry S. Truman
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"A lot of people would be embarrassed to admit that they were on 'Barney', but I embrace the fact. I just had such a wonderful time doing that show. I learned what a camera and prop is, and all that. I learned my manners too, so I guess that's a good thing!"
-Selena Gomez
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