"The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live."
-George Carlin
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"When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to do it by gas lamp or candle. I'm sure it made the work seem that much more urgent."
-George Carlin
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"I think people should be allowed to do anything they want. We haven't tried that for a while. Maybe this time it'll work."
-George Carlin
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"Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit."
-George Carlin
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"Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that."
-George Carlin
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"What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?"
-George Carlin
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"The truth is in California you can't build a new manufacturing facility, and businesses are leaving in droves because of bad government policy."
-Carly Fiorina
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"I agree with just about everyone in the reform debate when they say 'If you like what you have, you should be able to keep it.' But the truth is that none of the health reform bills making their way through Congress actually delivers on that promise."
-Ron Wyden
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"The GAO just released a report that said 22 percent of federal programs fail to meet their objectives. The truth is we don't know how taxpayer money is spent in Washington, D.C., which is why I think we ought to put every agency budget up on the Internet for everyone to see."
-Carly Fiorina
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"Tell the truth, work hard, and come to dinner on time."
-Gerald R. Ford
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"I intend to explode the myths about myself and get down to the real truth about the legend that is Batman."
-Bob Kane
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"The most solid piece of scientific truth I know of is that we are profoundly ignorant about nature."
-Lewis Thomas
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