"When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me."
-Emo Philips
workView Quote
"Women: You can't live with them, and you can't get them to dress up in a skimpy little Nazi costume and beat you with a warm squash or something.“
-Emo Philips
posted in women
Other Quotes
Discover more inspiring quotes from our collection
"He taught me never to smile, which helps me when I visit disaster sites."
-Emo Philips
smileView Quote
"When I wake up in the morning, I just can't get started until I've had that first, piping hot pot of coffee. Oh, I've tried other enemas."
-Emo Philips
morningView Quote
"Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps."
-Emo Philips
morningView Quote
"You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life."
-Emo Philips
moneyView Quote
"I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper."
-Emo Philips
menView Quote
Same Category
More quotes in this category
"I don't think balance is something you get from someone else it's something women have to find from within. For me, finding balance is still a work in progress."
-Rachel Weisz
womenView Quote
"From sixteen to twenty, all women, kept in humor by their hopes and by their attractions, appear to be good-natured."
-Samuel Richardson
womenView Quote
"I love women more than anything."
-Vin Diesel
womenView Quote
"When they take surveys of women in business, of the Fortune 500, the successful women, 80% of them, say they were in sports as a young woman."
-Billie Jean King
womenView Quote
"The Cause of Women is generally the Cause of Virtue."
-Samuel Richardson
womenView Quote
"Women are always most observed when they seem themselves least to observe, or to lay out for observation."
-Samuel Richardson
womenView Quote