"Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice."
-Dave Barry
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"Geographically, Ireland is a medium-sized rural island that is slowly but steadily being consumed by sheep.“
-Dave Barry
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"Guys are simple... women are not simple and they always assume that men must be just as complicated as they are, only way more mysterious. The whole point is guys are not thinking much. They are just what they appear to be. Tragically."
-Dave Barry
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"I have been a gigantic Rolling Stones fan since approximately the Spanish-American War."
-Dave Barry
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"The simple truth is that balding African-American men look cool when they shave their heads, whereas balding white men look like giant thumbs."
-Dave Barry
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"The only kind of seafood I trust is the fish stick, a totally featureless fish that doesn't have eyeballs or fins."
-Dave Barry
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"It always rains on tents. Rainstorms will travel thousands of miles, against prevailing winds for the opportunity to rain on a tent."
-Dave Barry
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Same Category
More quotes in this category
"A lot of Irish people perform. They perform in drawing rooms. They sing songs and they play piano."
-Fiona Shaw
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"There is no language like the Irish for soothing and quieting."
-John Millington Synge
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"That's what the holidays are for - for one person to tell the stories and another to dispute them. Isn't that the Irish way?"
-Lara Flynn Boyle
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"Ireland sober is Ireland stiff."
-James Joyce
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"Every St. Patrick's Day every Irishman goes out to find another Irishman to make a speech to."
-Shane Leslie
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"Some mornings you wake up and think, gee I look handsome today. Other days I think, what am I doing in the movies? I wanna go back to Ireland and drive a forklift."
-Liam Neeson
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