"The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin."
-Jay Leno
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"CNN found that Hillary Clinton is the most admired woman in America. Women admire her because she's strong and successful. Men admire her because she allows her husband to cheat and get away with it."
-Jay Leno
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"The Pentagon still has not given a name to the Iraqi war. Somehow 'Operation Re-elect Bush' doesn't seem to be popular."
-Jay Leno
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"Al Jazeera aired a new tape of Osama bin Laden. It was the usual stuff, he called Bush evil, the Great Satan, called him a war monger. Basically, the same thing you heard at last night's Democratic debate."
-Jay Leno
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"Bush reiterated his stand to conservatives opposing his decision on stem cell research. He said today he believes life begins at conception and ends at execution."
-Jay Leno
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"Politics is just show business for ugly people."
-Jay Leno
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"How sweet it is!"
-Jackie Gleason
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"We don't believe in rheumatism and true love until after the first attack."
-Marie von Ebner-Eschenbach
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"It's better to have loved and lost than to have to do forty pounds of laundry a week."
-Laurence J. Peter
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"I'm into all that sappy stuff - a surprise picnic, nice dinner, or traveling. I'm kind of an old romantic."
-Will Estes
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"Some women flirt more with what they say, and some with what they do."
-Anna Held
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"I'd kiss a frog even if there was no promise of a Prince Charming popping out of it. I love frogs."
-Cameron Diaz
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