"It's so warm now, and Thanksgiving came so early - is it just me, or does it not really feel like Ramadan?"
-David Letterman
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"Fall is my favorite season in Los Angeles, watching the birds change color and fall from the trees.“
-David Letterman
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"Don't forget it's daylight savings time. You spring forward, then you fall back. It's like Robert Downey Jr. getting out of bed."
-David Letterman
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"The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know, some of these jokes just write themselves."
-David Letterman
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"Dick Cheney said he was running again. He said his health was fine, 'I've got a doctor with me 24 hours a day.' Yeah, that's always the sign of a man in good health, isn't it?"
-David Letterman
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"We inadvertently bombed the Chinese Embassy. But Clinton now is working very hard. He has sent a letter of apology to the Chinese. And, he's also given them a gift certificate for future nuclear secrets."
-David Letterman
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"I cannot sing, dance or act what else would I be but a talk show host."
-David Letterman
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"You do have to change things as warfare changes."
-Charles Schumer
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"My kid could get a bad X-ray and I could get a call from the doctor saying I have something growing in my bum and that would change my perspective on everything instantaneously, on what is and what is not important."
-Tom Hanks
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"What creates freedom? A revolution in the streets? Mass protest? Civil war? A change of government? The ousting of the old guard and its replacement by the new? History, more often than not, shows that hopes raised by such events are often dashed, sooner rather than later."
-Jonathan Sacks
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"Europe is dying. That is one of the unsayable truths of our time. We are undergoing the moral equivalent of climate change and no one is talking about it."
-Jonathan Sacks
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"Most of what needs to be changed in the euro zone can be done without treaty changes. The demand for treaty change is as political as it is legal and I don't think it's going to happen soon."
-Nick Clegg
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"Much can and must be done by governments, but they cannot of themselves change lives."
-Jonathan Sacks
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