Lewis Grizzard

"I grew up in a very large family in a very small house. I never slept alone until after I was married."

"You call to a dog and a dog will break its neck to get to you. Dogs just want to please. Call to a cat and its attitude is, 'What's in it for me?'"

"Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and give her a house."