Robert Orben

I got a Valentine's Day card from my girl. It said, 'Take my heart! Take my arms! Take my lips!' Which is just like her. Keeping the best part for herself.

-Robert Orben

best
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.

-Robert Orben

business
To err is human - and to blame it on a computer is even more so.

-Robert Orben

computers
Don't think of it as failure. Think of it as time-released success.

-Robert Orben

failure
Quit worrying about your health. It will go away.

-Robert Orben

fitness
Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get.

-Robert Orben

food
Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get.

-Robert Orben

funny
Never raise your hand to your children - it leaves your midsection unprotected.

-Robert Orben

funny
Washington is a place where politicians don't know which way is up and taxes don't know which way is down.

-Robert Orben

government
A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that 'individuality' is the key to success.

-Robert Orben

graduation
Happiness is a very small desk and a very big wastebasket.

-Robert Orben

happiness
Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get.

-Robert Orben

health
Quit worrying about your health. It will go away.

-Robert Orben

health
Inflation is bringing us true democracy. For the first time in history, luxuries and necessities are selling at the same price.

-Robert Orben

history
I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home.

-Robert Orben

home
In prehistoric times, mankind often had only two choices in crisis situations: fight or flee. In modern times, humor offers us a third alternative fight, flee - or laugh.

-Robert Orben

humor
I remember when humor was gentle pokes. I used to call it 'arm around the shoulder' humor. Now they go for the jugular and they take no prisoners. It's mean, mean stuff.

-Robert Orben

humor
Humor starts like a wildfire, but then continues on, smoldering, smoldering for years.

-Robert Orben

humor
Every morning I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.

-Robert Orben

morning
I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home.

-Robert Orben

parenting
Do you ever get the feeling that the only reason we have elections is to find out if the polls were right?

-Robert Orben

politics
Life was a lot simpler when what we honored was father and mother rather than all major credit cards.

-Robert Orben

society
A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that 'individuality' is the key to success.

-Robert Orben

success
Don't think of it as failure. Think of it as time-released success.

-Robert Orben

success
Every speaker has a mouth An arrangement rather neat. Sometimes it's filled with wisdom. Sometimes it's filled with feet.

-Robert Orben

wisdom
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.

-Robert Orben

work
Every morning I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.

-Robert Orben

work
If you can laugh together, you can work together.

-Robert Orben

work

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