Tom Lehrer

"It is a sobering thought that when Mozart was my age, he had been dead for two years."

"When you get to fifty-two food becomes more important than sex."

"My last public performance for money was in 1967. For free, it was 1972, with the exception of two little one-shot, one-song things. But that's just for friends, out of friendship for the people involved, and also because it was fun."

"Laughter is involuntary. If it's funny you laugh."

"Political satire became obsolete when they awarded Henry Kissinger the Nobel Peace Prize."