"If my kid couldn't draw I'd make sure that my kitchen magnets didn't work."
-Mitch Hedberg
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"I love blackjack. But I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi circle.“
-Mitch Hedberg
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"I had a stick of CareFree gum, but it didn't work. I felt pretty good while I was blowing that bubble, but as soon as the gum lost its flavor, I was back to pondering my mortality."
-Mitch Hedberg
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"I'm a heroine addict. I need to have sex with women who have saved someone's life."
-Mitch Hedberg
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"Y'know, you can't please all the people all the time... and last night, all those people were at my show."
-Mitch Hedberg
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"Every time I go and shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving. So I say, 'I'm gonna go shave, too.'"
-Mitch Hedberg
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"I like refried beans. That's why I wanna try fried beans, because maybe they're just as good and we're just wasting time. You don't have to fry them again after all."
-Mitch Hedberg
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"Even if a unity of faith is not possible, a unity of love is."
-Hans Urs von Balthasar
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"At the end of the day, you know, love does not happen between two perfect people as much as we would wish."
-Hillary Clinton
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"Metaphors are dangerous. Love begins with a metaphor. Which is to say, love begins at the point when a woman enters her first word into our poetic memory."
-Milan Kundera
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"I did not just fall in love. I made a parachute jump."
-Zora Neale Hurston
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"A religious man is a person who holds God and man in one thought at one time, at all times, who suffers harm done to others, whose greatest passion is compassion, whose greatest strength is love and defiance of despair."
-Abraham Joshua Heschel
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"The main facts in human life are five: birth, food, sleep, love and death."
-E. M. Forster
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