"If my kid couldn't draw I'd make sure that my kitchen magnets didn't work."
-Mitch Hedberg
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"I had a stick of CareFree gum, but it didn't work. I felt pretty good while I was blowing that bubble, but as soon as the gum lost its flavor, I was back to pondering my mortality."
-Mitch Hedberg
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"I'm a heroine addict. I need to have sex with women who have saved someone's life."
-Mitch Hedberg
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"Y'know, you can't please all the people all the time... and last night, all those people were at my show."
-Mitch Hedberg
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"Every time I go and shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving. So I say, 'I'm gonna go shave, too.'"
-Mitch Hedberg
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"I like refried beans. That's why I wanna try fried beans, because maybe they're just as good and we're just wasting time. You don't have to fry them again after all."
-Mitch Hedberg
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"I think that food ties us to our community and our traditions, and it's the thing that makes us feel good and connected."
-Kathy Freston
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"We talk about, you know, diet and that we shouldn't give our kids big things and obesity and fast food. Well, you know there are people who don't have that problem because they're not getting any food! We have so many deep problems and issues facing humanity."
-Chris Noth
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"We all thought of chicken as lean, protein-rich food that's good for weight watching, but the truth is chicken might actually be making us fatter!"
-Kathy Freston
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"Penn State is a leader in food science."
-Don Sherwood
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"One must know combinations, one must have a true knowledge of food to be in the moment."
-Charlie Trotter
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"After my pregnancy, I discovered I have an allergy to yeast. Problem is, all the food I love has yeast in it. So I have to relearn how to cook."
-Tia Mowry
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