"Men are self-confident because they grow up identifying with super-heroes. Women have bad self-images because they grow up identifying with Barbie."
-Rita Rudner
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"I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso.“
-Rita Rudner
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"Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?"
-Rita Rudner
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"Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get the feeling that God is playing a practical joke?"
-Rita Rudner
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"Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in."
-Rita Rudner
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"A man will go to war, fight and die for his country. But he won't get a bikini wax."
-Rita Rudner
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"In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk."
-Rita Rudner
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"Sometime they don't let you know that they know that they don't know everything, but the core of the medical approach is that you try to identify pathologies, which are subsystems within the human body or the larger system that are having undesirable consequences."
-Guy Burgess
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"Kids coming back from Iraq and Afghanistan deserve to come back to 21st century medical care."
-Anthony Principi
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"There is no medical proof that television causes brain damage - at least from over five feet away. In fact, TV is probably the least physically harmful of all the narcotics known to man."
-Christopher Lehmann-Haupt
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"We need to bridge the gap between the medical libraries and the hospital rooms take the information out there already, add to it, focus it, harness it - and bring it to the patient who was just diagnosed today."
-Bruce Vento
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"I found out that colonels can stay until they drop dead or get a walker and being a critical medical specialty as an Army trained emergency room doctor, I could stay until age 67."
-Gerald Griffin
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"I broke down while at Oxford, was rejected by a record number of medical tribunals during the War, and finally got permission to leave Oxford and do civilian work till the War ended."
-Leonard Alfred George Strong
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