"I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place."
-Steven Wright
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"When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.'“
-Steven Wright
posted in morning
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"I saw a bank that said '24 Hour Banking,' but I don't have that much time."
-Steven Wright
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"I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to it."
-Steven Wright
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"Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time."
-Steven Wright
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"I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time."
-Steven Wright
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"I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance."
-Steven Wright
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"I knew, however, that the next morning after the fight I would have to get away, and I did just in time, for a full company came early to look for me and were furious because I had escaped them."
-Jesse James
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"In the morning he was lying dead on one of the beds fully clothed. He was dead. I got the impression he wanted to go, and I must have killed him. I can't remember strangling him. I just sat there shocked."
-Dennis Nilsen
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"Tis always morning somewhere in the world."
-Richard Henry Horne
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"Secretary of State Colin Powell, thank you so much, as always, for joining us this morning."
-Hannah Storm
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"I have been wounded like this since about half past eight this morning and I will tell you how it happened."
-Francesco Borromini
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"It takes more than driving to become an IndyCar driver. Gone are the days when drivers show up Friday morning and go home Sunday night. We're all integral to our partnerships, commercially, motorsports. We're as much champions in the boardroom as we are on the racetrack."
-Charlie Kimball
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