"Geographically, Ireland is a medium-sized rural island that is slowly but steadily being consumed by sheep."
-Dave Barry
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"We'll try to cooperate fully with the IRS, because, as citizens, we feel a strong patriotic duty not to go to jail.“
-Dave Barry
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"Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice."
-Dave Barry
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"Guys are simple... women are not simple and they always assume that men must be just as complicated as they are, only way more mysterious. The whole point is guys are not thinking much. They are just what they appear to be. Tragically."
-Dave Barry
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"I have been a gigantic Rolling Stones fan since approximately the Spanish-American War."
-Dave Barry
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"The simple truth is that balding African-American men look cool when they shave their heads, whereas balding white men look like giant thumbs."
-Dave Barry
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"The only kind of seafood I trust is the fish stick, a totally featureless fish that doesn't have eyeballs or fins."
-Dave Barry
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Same Category
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"We need a type of patriotism that recognizes the virtues of those who are opposed to us."
-Francis John McConnell
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"These martyrs of patriotism gave their lives for an idea."
-Schuyler Colfax
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"Obama has been attacked repeatedly for not wearing a flag pin, with Republicans claiming that his patriotism is in question. It's all a bit silly."
-Will Thomas
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"There are no points of the compass on the chart of true patriotism."
-Robert Charles Winthrop
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"The sight of nature fascinates, the family tie has a sweet enchantment and patriotism gives the religious spirit a fiery devotion to the powers that it reveres."
-Bruno Bauer
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"Unfortunately, our history has abundant examples of patriotism being used to hurt those who express views in disagreement with that of the majority."
-Vic Snyder
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