"Men are self-confident because they grow up identifying with super-heroes. Women have bad self-images because they grow up identifying with Barbie."
-Rita Rudner
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"I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.“
-Rita Rudner
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"Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?"
-Rita Rudner
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"Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get the feeling that God is playing a practical joke?"
-Rita Rudner
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"Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in."
-Rita Rudner
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"A man will go to war, fight and die for his country. But he won't get a bikini wax."
-Rita Rudner
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"In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk."
-Rita Rudner
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Same Category
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"I was in three academic clubs, a huge book worm and the teacher's pet. I was kind of an easy target for bullies."
-Nicole Anderson
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"I always pet a dog with my left hand because if he bit me I'd still have my right hand to paint with."
-Juan Gris
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"One of my biggest pet peeves is that I just don't like it when characters do things that are funny to the writer, but you don't know why they're doing it and it doesn't make any sense."
-Glenn Howerton
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"And I strongly believe people should rescue dogs, or, at the very least, listen to Bob Barker and have your pet spayed or neutered."
-Justin Chambers
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"To this day I don't ever remember seeing a pet inside Moscow, I never saw anyone carrying a dog, or leading a dog. Err I finally saw a, a pet some years later in Kiev, so I thought that life must have been, different."
-Ralph Boston
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"I have this pet thing about how global communications are moving so fast now, throwing information at you, making everything available to you, and yet I feel it's leaving us more and more isolated."
-Mike Rutherford
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