P. J. O'Rourke

People are always angry at America. They're absolutely certain that America either caused their problems or is deliberately not fixing their problems. But the anger is always directed at America and never at Americans.

-P. J. O'Rourke

anger
I realised the bohemian life was not for me. I would look around at my friends, living like starving artists, and wonder, 'Where's the art?' They weren't doing anything. And there was so much interesting stuff to do, so much fun to be had... maybe I could even quit renting.

-P. J. O'Rourke

art
You don't despair about something like the Middle East, you just do the best you can.

-P. J. O'Rourke

best
Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.

-P. J. O'Rourke

car
Satire doesn't effect change.

-P. J. O'Rourke

change
There are plenty of problems in the world, and doubtless climate change - or whatever the currently voguish phrase for it all is - certainly is one of them. But it's low on my list.

-P. J. O'Rourke

change
All change is bad. But sometimes it has to be done.

-P. J. O'Rourke

change
In our brief national history we have shot four of our presidents, worried five of them to death, impeached one and hounded another out of office. And when all else fails, we hold an election and assassinate their character.

-P. J. O'Rourke

death
Even very young children need to be informed about dying. Explain the concept of death very carefully to your child. This will make threatening him with it much more effective.

-P. J. O'Rourke

death
Positive rights are the right to shelter, the right to education, the right to health care, the right to a living wage. These things are - these are, I would call them, more properly, political rights rather than positive rights. And they are extremely tricky, because now we are dealing with things that are zero sum.

-P. J. O'Rourke

education
I think it's been hard for people to understand how Islam can be a good religion, and yet the Islamists are evil. Those of us who have had experience with Islam understand this, just as we understand the difference between snake handlers and people going to church on Sunday morning.

-P. J. O'Rourke

experience
I like to think of my behavior in the sixties as a 'learning experience.' Then again, I like to think of anything stupid I've done as a 'learning experience.' It makes me feel less stupid.

-P. J. O'Rourke

experience
Ideology, politics and journalism, which luxuriate in failure, are impotent in the face of hope and joy.

-P. J. O'Rourke

failure
The idea of capitalism is not just success but also the failure that allows success to happen.

-P. J. O'Rourke

failure
Family love is messy, clinging, and of an annoying and repetitive pattern, like bad wallpaper.

-P. J. O'Rourke

family
My wife and I both come from Irish families. There are two kinds of Irish families: the hitting kind and the kidding kind. If you're fortunate - and both of us are - you come from the kidding kind of Irish family.

-P. J. O'Rourke

family
A very quiet and tasteful way to be famous is to have a famous relative. Then you can not only be nothing, you can do nothing too.

-P. J. O'Rourke

famous
Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.

-P. J. O'Rourke

funny
Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely.

-P. J. O'Rourke

funny
Because of their size, parents may be difficult to discipline properly.

-P. J. O'Rourke

funny
Never fight an inanimate object.

-P. J. O'Rourke

funny
As I get older, all sorts of things become less funny. Once one has children, any cruelty involving children becomes far less amusing than when one was at the mercy of one's friends' and relatives' children.

-P. J. O'Rourke

funny
Politics are for foreigners with their endless wrongs and paltry rights. Politics are a lousy way to get things done. Politics are, like God's infinite mercy, a last resort.

-P. J. O'Rourke

god
The good news is that, according to the Obama administration, the rich will pay for everything. The bad news is that, according to the Obama administration, you're rich.

-P. J. O'Rourke

good
Feeling good about government is like looking on the bright side of any catastrophe. When you quit looking on the bright side, the catastrophe is still there.

-P. J. O'Rourke

good
Always read something that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.

-P. J. O'Rourke

good
I think it's been hard for people to understand how Islam can be a good religion, and yet the Islamists are evil. Those of us who have had experience with Islam understand this, just as we understand the difference between snake handlers and people going to church on Sunday morning.

-P. J. O'Rourke

good
Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.

-P. J. O'Rourke

government
Feeling good about government is like looking on the bright side of any catastrophe. When you quit looking on the bright side, the catastrophe is still there.

-P. J. O'Rourke

government
The Democrats are the party that says government will make you smarter, taller, richer, and remove the crabgrass on your lawn. The Republicans are the party that says government doesn't work and then they get elected and prove it.

-P. J. O'Rourke

government
Whatever it is that the government does, sensible Americans would prefer that the government does it to somebody else. This is the idea behind foreign policy.

-P. J. O'Rourke

government
The mystery of government is not how Washington works but how to make it stop.

-P. J. O'Rourke

government
If government were a product, selling it would be illegal.

-P. J. O'Rourke

government
Government proposes, bureaucracy disposes. And the bureaucracy must dispose of government proposals by dumping them on us.

-P. J. O'Rourke

government
Fiscal conservatism is just an easy way to express something that is a bit more difficult, which is that the size and scope of government, and really the size and scope of politics in our lives, has grown uncomfortable, unwieldy, intrusive and inefficient.

-P. J. O'Rourke

government
What would annoy the most people most often? That is the true left-wing test of government intervention.

-P. J. O'Rourke

government
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