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Elayne Boosler

Explore inspiring quotes by Elayne Boosler, a remarkable figure whose words continue to inspire and motivate people around the world.

20

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14

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funny

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funny

5 quotes

thankful

3 quotes

alone

1 quotes

car

1 quotes

computers

1 quotes

food

1 quotes

history

1 quotes

home

1 quotes

Featured Quotes by Elayne Boosler

Some of the most memorable quotes from this author

"I know what men want. Men want to be really, really close to someone who will leave them alone."

— Elayne Boosleralone

"I am thankful the most important key in history was invented. It's not the key to your house, your car, your boat, your safety deposit box, your bike lock or your private community. It's the key to order, sanity, and peace of mind. The key is 'Delete.'"

— Elayne Booslercar

"I am thankful the most important key in history was invented. It's not the key to your house, your car, your boat, your safety deposit box, your bike lock or your private community. It's the key to order, sanity, and peace of mind. The key is 'Delete.'"

— Elayne Booslercomputers

"I am thankful I was born in America, although if I gain any more weight the burqa thing may start to seem like a good idea to me. See? Another plus about America, you can always find some food."

— Elayne Booslerfood

"I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three."

— Elayne Booslerfunny

"I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something's wrong with me."

— Elayne Booslerfunny

All Quotes by Elayne Boosler

Browse all quotes from this author

"I know what men want. Men want to be really, really close to someone who will leave them alone."

-Elayne Boosler

aloneView Quote

"I am thankful the most important key in history was invented. It's not the key to your house, your car, your boat, your safety deposit box, your bike lock or your private community. It's the key to order, sanity, and peace of mind. The key is 'Delete.'"

-Elayne Boosler

"I am thankful the most important key in history was invented. It's not the key to your house, your car, your boat, your safety deposit box, your bike lock or your private community. It's the key to order, sanity, and peace of mind. The key is 'Delete.'"

-Elayne Boosler

computersView Quote

"I am thankful I was born in America, although if I gain any more weight the burqa thing may start to seem like a good idea to me. See? Another plus about America, you can always find some food."

-Elayne Boosler

"I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three."

-Elayne Boosler

funnyView Quote

"I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something's wrong with me."

-Elayne Boosler

funnyView Quote

"When the sun comes up, I have morals again."

-Elayne Boosler

funnyView Quote

"Ever notice that Soup for One is eight aisles away from Party Mix?"

-Elayne Boosler

funnyView Quote

"I've thought for the last decade or so, the only actual place raw truth was seeping through in newspapers was on the Comics Pages. They were able to pull off intelligent social comment, pure truths not found elsewhere in the news pages, and had the ability to make it all funny, entertaining, and pertinent."

-Elayne Boosler

funnyView Quote

"I am thankful the most important key in history was invented. It's not the key to your house, your car, your boat, your safety deposit box, your bike lock or your private community. It's the key to order, sanity, and peace of mind. The key is 'Delete.'"

-Elayne Boosler

historyView Quote

"Stand-up is like a movie every night. You write it, direct it, produce it, the audience votes, and you go home. There's nothing more satisfying."

-Elayne Boosler

"When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking."

-Elayne Boosler

"The Vatican is against surrogate mothers. Good thing they didn't have that rule when Jesus was born."

-Elayne Boosler

"Wouldn't it be great if you could only get AIDS by giving money to television preachers?"

-Elayne Boosler

moneyView Quote

"I am thankful the most important key in history was invented. It's not the key to your house, your car, your boat, your safety deposit box, your bike lock or your private community. It's the key to order, sanity, and peace of mind. The key is 'Delete.'"

-Elayne Boosler

peaceView Quote

"I am thankful the most important key in history was invented. It's not the key to your house, your car, your boat, your safety deposit box, your bike lock or your private community. It's the key to order, sanity, and peace of mind. The key is 'Delete.'"

-Elayne Boosler

thankfulView Quote

"I am thankful that geniuses and artists and good people, no matter how hard it is, will eventually be recognized. I am doubly thankful that also goes for idiots."

-Elayne Boosler

thankfulView Quote

"I am thankful I was born in America, although if I gain any more weight the burqa thing may start to seem like a good idea to me. See? Another plus about America, you can always find some food."

-Elayne Boosler

thankfulView Quote

"I've thought for the last decade or so, the only actual place raw truth was seeping through in newspapers was on the Comics Pages. They were able to pull off intelligent social comment, pure truths not found elsewhere in the news pages, and had the ability to make it all funny, entertaining, and pertinent."

-Elayne Boosler

truthView Quote

"When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking."

-Elayne Boosler

womenView Quote

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