E

Emo Philips

Explore inspiring quotes by Emo Philips, a remarkable figure whose words continue to inspire and motivate people around the world.

17

Total Quotes

13

Categories

1

Avg. Length

funny

Top Category

Top Categories by Emo Philips

Discover the themes and topics this author explores most

funny

3 quotes

good

2 quotes

morning

2 quotes

alone

1 quotes

computers

1 quotes

family

1 quotes

forgiveness

1 quotes

humor

1 quotes

Featured Quotes by Emo Philips

Some of the most memorable quotes from this author

"I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator."

— Emo Philipsalone

"A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing."

— Emo Philipscomputers

"Probably the worst time in a person's life is when they have to kill a family member because they are the devil. But otherwise it's been a pretty good day."

— Emo Philipsfamily

"When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me."

— Emo Philipsforgiveness

"How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand."

— Emo Philipsfunny

"I was the kid next door's imaginary friend."

— Emo Philipsfunny

All Quotes by Emo Philips

Browse all quotes from this author

"I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator."

-Emo Philips

aloneView Quote

"A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing."

-Emo Philips

computersView Quote

"Probably the worst time in a person's life is when they have to kill a family member because they are the devil. But otherwise it's been a pretty good day."

-Emo Philips

familyView Quote

"When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me."

-Emo Philips

forgivenessView Quote

"How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand."

-Emo Philips

funnyView Quote

"I was the kid next door's imaginary friend."

-Emo Philips

funnyView Quote

"I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator."

-Emo Philips

funnyView Quote

"You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life."

-Emo Philips

"Probably the worst time in a person's life is when they have to kill a family member because they are the devil. But otherwise it's been a pretty good day."

-Emo Philips

"My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing."

-Emo Philips

humorView Quote

"I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper."

-Emo Philips

"You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life."

-Emo Philips

moneyView Quote

"Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps."

-Emo Philips

morningView Quote

"When I wake up in the morning, I just can't get started until I've had that first, piping hot pot of coffee. Oh, I've tried other enemas."

-Emo Philips

morningView Quote

"He taught me never to smile, which helps me when I visit disaster sites."

-Emo Philips

smileView Quote

"Women: You can't live with them, and you can't get them to dress up in a skimpy little Nazi costume and beat you with a warm squash or something."

-Emo Philips

womenView Quote

"When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me."

-Emo Philips

Other Authors to Explore

Explore more inspiring authors

View All Authors