"My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor."
-Phyllis Diller
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"What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day."
-Phyllis Diller
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"Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle - keep away from children."
-Phyllis Diller
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"The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public."
-Phyllis Diller
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"Our dog died from licking our wedding picture."
-Phyllis Diller
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"Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed."
-Phyllis Diller
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Same Category
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"The most positive men are the most credulous."
-Alexander Pope
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"In a free society the state does not administer the affairs of men. It administers justice among men who conduct their own affairs."
-Walter Lippmann
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"No man has any natural authority over his fellow men."
-Jean-Jacques Rousseau
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"Prejudices are so to speak the mechanical instincts of men: through their prejudices they do without any effort many things they would find too difficult to think through to the point of resolving to do them."
-Georg C. Lichtenberg
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"Men don't and can't live by exchanging articles, but by producing them. They don't live by trade, but by work. Give up that foolish and vain title of Trades Unions and take that of laborers Unions."
-John Ruskin
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"Strong women only marry weak men."
-Bette Davis
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