"My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor."
-Phyllis Diller
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"Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle - keep away from children.“
-Phyllis Diller
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"What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day."
-Phyllis Diller
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"The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public."
-Phyllis Diller
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"Our dog died from licking our wedding picture."
-Phyllis Diller
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"Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed."
-Phyllis Diller
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"The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron."
-Phyllis Diller
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Same Category
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"I was interested by the idea that artists working in a totalitarian dictatorship or tsarist autocracy are secretly and slightly shamefully envied by artists who work in freedom. They have the gratification of intense interest: the authorities want to put them in jail, while there are younger readers for whom what they write is pure oxygen."
-Tom Stoppard
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"Working with my dad was such a gas. We approached the work in a similar way. We only made two films together when I was an adult, Tucker, and Blown Away, but it was so much fun to play with your parent like that."
-Jeff Bridges
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"My work always tried to unite the true with the beautiful but when I had to choose one or the other, I usually chose the beautiful."
-Tom Stoppard
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"The artist belongs to his work, not the work to the artist."
-Novalis
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"Close your bodily eye, that you may see your picture first with the eye of the spirit. Then bring to light what you have seen in the darkness, that its effect may work back, from without to within."
-Caspar David Friedrich
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"The basis of computer work is predicated on the idea that only the brain makes decisions and only the index finger does the work."
-Brian Eno
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