"My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor."
-Phyllis Diller
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"The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.“
-Phyllis Diller
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"What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day."
-Phyllis Diller
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"Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle - keep away from children."
-Phyllis Diller
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"Our dog died from licking our wedding picture."
-Phyllis Diller
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"Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed."
-Phyllis Diller
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"The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron."
-Phyllis Diller
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"I don't think balance is something you get from someone else it's something women have to find from within. For me, finding balance is still a work in progress."
-Rachel Weisz
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"From sixteen to twenty, all women, kept in humor by their hopes and by their attractions, appear to be good-natured."
-Samuel Richardson
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"I love women more than anything."
-Vin Diesel
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"When they take surveys of women in business, of the Fortune 500, the successful women, 80% of them, say they were in sports as a young woman."
-Billie Jean King
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"The Cause of Women is generally the Cause of Virtue."
-Samuel Richardson
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"Women are always most observed when they seem themselves least to observe, or to lay out for observation."
-Samuel Richardson
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