Phyllis Diller
Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
-Phyllis Diller
age
Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.
-Phyllis Diller
age
Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
-Phyllis Diller
anger
My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes, cry, rant, and rave, and at the sound of the bell, simmer down and go about business as usual.
-Phyllis Diller
anger
Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
-Phyllis Diller
beauty
It's a good thing that beauty is only skin deep, or I'd be rotten to the core.
-Phyllis Diller
beauty
Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.
-Phyllis Diller
best
My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes, cry, rant, and rave, and at the sound of the bell, simmer down and go about business as usual.
-Phyllis Diller
business
Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?
-Phyllis Diller
funny
Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.
-Phyllis Diller
funny
The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.
-Phyllis Diller
funny
It's a good thing that beauty is only skin deep, or I'd be rotten to the core.
-Phyllis Diller
good
Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.
-Phyllis Diller
home
Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.
-Phyllis Diller
home
A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.
-Phyllis Diller
men
There's so little money in my bank account, my scenic checks show a ghetto.
-Phyllis Diller
money
Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.
-Phyllis Diller
parenting
A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
-Phyllis Diller
smile
We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.
-Phyllis Diller
teacher
The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.
-Phyllis Diller
time
Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed.
-Phyllis Diller
time
Our dog died from licking our wedding picture.
-Phyllis Diller
wedding
The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.
-Phyllis Diller
women
Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle - keep away from children.
-Phyllis Diller
work
What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.
-Phyllis Diller
christmas
My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.
-Phyllis Diller
migrate2
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