"My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor."
-Phyllis Diller
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"What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day."
-Phyllis Diller
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"Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle - keep away from children."
-Phyllis Diller
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"The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public."
-Phyllis Diller
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"Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed."
-Phyllis Diller
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"The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron."
-Phyllis Diller
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"Those are the men who will dance at your wedding."
-Guy Madison
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"I mean, I do wear a wedding ring and take it off when I shoot."
-Henry Ian Cusick
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"I'm taking one thing at a time. With the children and launching my solo career it would drive me to a nervous breakdown if I tried to organise a wedding on top of that."
-Natasha Hamilton
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"You have to make your wedding day all about you."
-DJ Jazzy Jeff
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"My grandfather Frank Lloyd Wright wore a red sash on his wedding night. That is glamour!"
-Anne Baxter
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"The day of the wedding went like these things generally do, full of anxious moments interspersed with black comedy."
-Janet Street-Porter
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